


Hi yes I'd like to order one Bowsette please

by EtchJetty



Series: Etch's Sketches - A One-Shot Collection [4]
Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow, Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen, Human Bowser, I'm Sorry, super crown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 04:58:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16234676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtchJetty/pseuds/EtchJetty
Summary: SungWon Cho triggers with the power to build his own waifu. The first victim on his quest? Lung, who he plans to turn into Bowsette.





	Hi yes I'd like to order one Bowsette please

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to /u/KrugSmash on Reddit for having me tagged on RES and knowing when to make the call. This one’s for you, buddy.

SungWon Cho knew he was running out of time. He had been pressed into the ABB only half a year ago, and being in the gang had only become more dangerous as time went on. 

 

 

Of course, he tried not to think about it too hard. So long as he stayed _in_ the ABB, his family could stay _out_. Gang business was dirty business, and he lost... co-workers... nearly every day.

 

That didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy simple pleasures, however. Whenever he got the chance, away from all prying eyes, he’d open up his manga collection imported from Japan, still in near-mint condition even all those years after Leviathan. He must have reread the same super-powered romance stories... hundreds. No, thousands of times. Doing so may have... altered his perceptions when it came to interaction with real women, but he was self-aware enough to know he’d probably never land a girlfriend with the way his life was heading, regardless.

 

Recently the dangers of daily life in the ABB had practically tripled. That new Tinker Lung had brought in, Bomb-kooka or whatever, went around harassing the “lackeys” like they were her personal dogs or something. He had managed to mostly escape her wrath, but a few days ago his luck ran out. The Tinker had been searching for parts for her bombs, and randomly stumbled upon his manga. Spotting his name on the packaging, Bomb-kooka had tried to make an example of him, bringing him on-stage during a territory meeting being held by Lung.

 

“You see this punk?” she had said. “This is the kind of trash we don’t need in the ABB. The kind that stops my genius from getting out. He reads fucking _hentai_  in his free time. Hentai!”

 

SungWon, on the stage, was turning redder and redder. God, he had wanted to die so bad.

 

“This punk’s never gonna get a girlfriend. Never gonna get a waifu like in his fucking disgusting deviant comic books, that’s for sure.”

 

SungWon clenched his fist. He’d wanted to attack her, but she kept saying she’d somehow blow him to smithereens, and knowing what she’d done to other ABB “test subjects” was the only thing that stopped him from clocking her right then and there. He was lucky to be lectured.

 

That’s what he kept telling himself, anyway.

 

“You hear that, kid? What do you have to say?”

 

“I’m sorry,” said SungWon. 

 

“Jesus, your voice is deeper than I thought,” said Bakuda quickly. “I-I mean, say that you’re never going to get a girlfriend.”

 

“I’m never going to get a girlfriend.”

 

“I’m never going to have a waifu.”

 

“My disgusting habits have no place near you, Bakuda.”

 

“I agree with the punishment you have set for me.”

 

Bakuda cackled, and set his manga down into a square she’d marked in the center of the stage. She pressed the button, and it exploded, eliciting cheers from the more loyal ABB members. SungWon was dragged away by two bouncers.

 

And when he was left alone after the meeting, tossed in the corner of the room like some kind of trash? 

 

Just for an instant, for a moment, he saw something _vast_.

 

\--------------------------------

 

SungWon Cho knew he was running out of time. After that meeting, he had been struck with ideas . That Tinker thought he couldn’t have a waifu? He’d show her. He’d show them all.

 

Taking a page from one of the manga he read, ( _if only he’d hid it better, if only he’d left it somewhere she couldn’t reach, if only, if only_ )  SungWon was going to build himself a waifu.

 

Not a robot, mind you. Robot parts could be traced. He’d been around Bakuda for long enough to know not to sneak off to the junkyard first chance you got - Tinkers were prime bait for the gangs. 

 

If Lung, Lee, or Bakuda found out about his plan, he’d be instantly killed. That was okay, though. 

 

If this plan worked, Lung wouldn’t be objecting to him for a long time.

 

Out of a plastic crown he found in a dumpster he would form his masterpiece. He’d taken DNA from Bakuda, Squealer. Some random ABB members he’d found hot. The DNA would synthesize with the hardware he’d put into the crown, creating the Super Waifumatic Big Tiddy Goth GF-a-tron Crown 3000.

 

Or just Super Crown. That worked too.

 

It would be finished tonight. And if all went as he thought it would, he’d have an opportunity to test it out.

 

\--------------------------------

 

“The Undersiders are going to be dead very, very soon,” began Lung.

 

SungWon snuck around his fellow ABB members, crown gripped in hand. Soon , he thought.

 

“I don’t want to take any chances. These fuckers have kept slipping through our hands time and time again. So I’m going to give you very, very simple instructions. Do you all understand?”

 

The ABB around him murmured variations on “yes” and “yep.” 

 

“Okay. Good. Alright. Here’s what you are going to do. When you see the children, just shoot. Doesn’t matter your aim, just shoot. You see one lying on the ground? Shoot the little bitch twice more to be sure. We give them no chances to be clever or lucky, understand?”

 

There was another murmur of assent. 

 

Now was his chance. SungWon leapt from his hiding place, and slapped the Super Crown onto Lung’s head.

 

The Dragon of the ABB immediately started screaming. One man who was lighting a cigarette dropped it and swore in Mandarin. Most of the ABB members got their pistols out and aimed it at SungWon, screaming variants of “What did you do!” “Surrender!” “Down, motherfucker, down!” in all seven of the ABB’s supported languages.

 

SungWon calmly lifted his hands behind his head and watched the gang leader’s transformation.

 

He wasn’t going without a fight, noted SungWon. Lung kept increasing in draconity as the crown’s effects continued to progress. First, his hair turned blonde. Once the entirety of his hair changed color, it continued to lengthen, eventually reaching to his shoulders. Lung’s face began shifting, as well, becoming more feminine even as small fangs poked out of his mouth. Surprisingly, Lung’s draconic horns had also emerged, despite not being usual candidates for the early stage of his transformation.

 

Lung’s upper back began to shift, clear to everyone in the vicinity as fire swirled around his shirtless body. A large turtle shell began to emerge from his back, swelling in size as Lung hunched over. This... wasn’t in the blueprints, worried SungWon. Was the crown not working? 

 

The fire circling Lung became brighter and brighter. The surrounding gang members had to look away as it almost looked like Lung was glowing bright white. Before that happened, however, SungWon got a brief glimpse of female breasts forming. _It was working_ , he salivated.

 

The flames exploded into the sky, leaving the glowing form standing there with his eyes closed.

 

Or, as SungWon realized while staring at the black dress that had formed around the unmistakably feminine body, perhaps he should be saying “her”?

 

The person who stood there now only bared the faintest resemblance to Lung. This person now resembled one of SungWon’s old waifus nearly identically. Right as monster girls had hit the big time in the manga market, one enterprising individual had created a female version of the video game villain King Koopa. The turtle monster had only ever appeared in two games, but it was enough to capture the hearts of people worldwide, including a certain manga artist with a dream. 

 

Nintendo had sued the company he worked for out of existence within a year, but the legend of Bowsette lived on across the Internet for the next few decades.

 

Eyes opened. The black-dress-wearing figure peered around, noticing all of the ABB members staring.

 

“What the fuck,” growled the-individual-who-was-up-until-this-point-known-as-Lung, “made you think you could stare at me?”

 

One brave soul stuttered out a response. “B-boss, you’re a...”

 

“Regardless of if I am a woman or a man, am I not still the dragon of Kyushu?

 

“I, I mean, yeah, sir, er, ma’am--”

 

“Ma’am,” corrected the definitely-a-woman.

 

 “Yes, ma’am, absolutely, ma’am, but--”

 

SungWon whooped. It worked! Lung was going to be his perfect waifu! 

 

The blonde turned around and stared.

 

“You ,” she said.

 

SungWon gulped. Then he began his speech. “A-as your creator, the Super Crown above your head c-commands you listen to me, SungWon Cho, and to be my g-girlfriend f-for all time.”

 

She only chuckled. “You think you can tame a dragon, boy?”  


“Ye- I- uh-” stuttered SungWon.

 

“Let me teach you something Leviathan learned years ago.” She bent down and smiled at SungWon, revealing a row of sharp fangs.

 

“It doesn’t matter your level of technology. It doesn’t matter how strong, how feared you are. No matter the body she may be in, you can never  tame a dragon.” Then she stood straight up.

 

She pat SungWon on the head dismissively, and the poor Tinker fainted out of pure fear.

 

“One of you, get him to a bed,” she said, pointing towards the shell-shocked ABB members. “He’s obviously a Tinker. We’ll figure out how he’s useful later.”

 

“Sure thing, er, Lung...ette?” said one of the ABB.

 

“Lungette?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. Someone towards the back fell over.

 

“Well, you’re not Lung anymore, but you’re... a girl Lung? So, like, if you slap ‘ette’ on the back people will know you’re, uh, _how do I put this_ , a new you?”

 

She seemed to consider this for a moment, and nodded.

 

“Fine. Lungette. We can find something better later. For now, those fucking kids have a date with the back of your pistols.”

 

And that was when the bugs descended.

 

**Author's Note:**

> As is tradition with the Ugandan Knuckles fic, the Steamed Hams fic, and the The Room fic, I regret all of my life choices.


End file.
